At the retreat center in Williamsburg, I experienced an event not before realized by myself. I felt that Chandra, our guest speaker, had been making eye contact with me for a while, and then I thought perhaps I was mistaken.
When Chandra came towards me in the group, I remember feeling somewhat fearful and embarrassed. She revealed things to me she couldn’t have known on her own. I remember her using two words, which impacted me that it made everything so clear and really summed up my earlier life. These words were “emotional abandonment.” I had always felt “not good enough” and was always amazed when anyone liked me-never trust their motives-not believing they could really like me if they knew me well. As I grew up believing this, other events that I engaged in only reinforced this feeling. At nineteen, I had an abortion, which changed so much in my life. I thought I had dealt with those feelings years ago, the guilt, the hurt, the rejection, but I hadn’t even scratched the surface.
I felt a flood of release open in me when she touched me that I could not stop. I didn’t expect the depth of sobbing. I didn’t know where it came from; however, I realize now that it was years of buried pain. As I drove up to the retreat, I prayed, God, I present this frail body as a living sacrifice to you, and I give you permission to walk through me and expose anything that is not of faith. Never dreaming that he would take me at my word.” Williamsburg, VA Retreat