Wow, where did the years go? TP and I came out of a lot of family dysfunction. Domestic violence, physical abuse, sexual abuse, and emotional abuse. Both of our Fathers were alcoholics, which created an unstable home life. As broken human beings, we brought a ton of baggage into our marriage.
I wish I could say that we knew what to do with all of that stuff, but we didn't. We just pushed through and went on with life. We never thought that our past would impact our relationship. Boy, we were wrong. For many years we pushed each other's hot buttons. You know those emotional triggers that set you off and cause you to overreact where the ugly side of you comes out. When these moments happen, you're trying to cope with unresolved pain.
The truth is things usually have to get bad enough for us to want to change. Unfortunately, for many of us, we have to hit rock bottom. And what that looks like to you may be different for someone else.
It all came to a head for me in my late thirties. I was living in Colorado Springs, where breathtaking views of the Rocky mountains met me every day. I was a stay at home Mom with three kids and serving in the Army Reserves. Unknowingly, an amnesia barrier protected me. But that wall crumbled, and my childhood memories came flooding in like a tsunami.
This crisis brought me into therapy, which was a lifesaver for me. I began the journey of getting healthy––it was hard work. I was terrified of reaching back into the dark place to find the truth. But God's light was brighter, and I was set free.
My healing journey impacted my relationship with TP and our children. A few years later, he would enter therapy. It took both of us doing individual inner healing work for our marriage to work. When issues come up now, we have the tools, and therapy is one if we need it.
You may be at a point in your marriage where you feel there is no hope. I understand how you feel. I wanted to give up, and I did a couple of times. I'm not talking about staying in an abusive relationship here. If you are in one, please seek help immediately.
I'm talking to couples who want their marriage to work but are struggling. If your partner isn't willing to go to counseling, then don't let that stop you from going. Don’t let fear hold you back. Get healthy by working on yourself.
It's a miracle that we are still together and content. But we didn't get here alone. I can't stress the importance of getting support. There is no shame in asking for help! Resources are out there, and counselors are willing to help. God wants to heal you, and you are worth it.
"LORD my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me" (Psalm 30:2)